Read all the best "zingers" from Justin Biebers Comedy Central Roast, RIGHT HERE.

March 16, 2015

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If you can’t stand looking at Justin Bieber but love people poking fun at him like I do, spare yourself actually watching his Comedy Central roast and read all the best zingers right here!

You’re welcome.



1. Natasha Leggero on fellow roaster Martha Stewart: “I’m not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the ‘Fast and Furious’ franchise.”

2. Hannibal Buress on Bieber’s music: “You were the fifth most-hated person in the world last year. Kim Jong-Un didn’t even rate that high — and he uses your music to torture people.”

3. Ludacris on Shaquille O’Neal: “Shaq is the first player in the NBA whose shoe size, IQ and jersey are all the same number.

4. Buress on the quality of the dais: “Y’all know it’s a shitty dais when Ludacris is the best actor on it.”

5. Davidson on Kevin Hart fans: “If you don’t know who Kevin Hart is, congratulations on finishing college. Kevin’s next special is just him jiggling keys at you.”

6. Leggero on her male roasters: “There is a lot of star power in here. These guys have made millions — in child support payments.”

7. D’elia on O’Neal: “People don’t realize this, but those ‘I Can’t Breathe” T-shirts were about Shaq’s last season with the Celtics.”

8. Martha Stewart on Hart’s hosting skills: “Kevin, listening to you yell your jokes for the past two hours is the hardest time I’ve ever done.”

9. Stewart on Leggero: “I do a lot of gardening, but you are without a doubt the dirtiest, used-up hoe I have ever seen.”

10. Leggro in a show-stopping joke on the brain power in the room: “Kevin has a huge Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris — France is in Europe. Justin, Europe is a continent. Shaq — a continent is not a free breakfast.”

11. Martha Stewart on Bieber’s social media influence: “Justin, I’m sure it’s great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower.”

12. Snoop Dogg on Kevin Hart: “Kevin is from Philadelphia, just like Bill Cosby. And just like Bill Cosby — women can’t tell when Kevin is inside them.”

13. Jeffrey Ross on Bieber’s ex-girlfriend: “Did you break up with Selena Gomez because she grew a mustache before you?”

The “Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber” airs Mar. 30 at 10 p.m.




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